Election Results 2010

I'm skeptical about the meaning of last night's election results. Will the Repubs REALLY get the message? While I'm encouraged by the Tea Party gains, I'm taking a wait and see attitude.

One thing's for sure, Nancy will be out of there. But she still has a couple of months to stick it to us. And speaking of sticking it to us, Barney Frank is not extinct. Too bad. This guy has done more to screw my house value than anyone else.

New Catch Phrase Coming, Someone Call Guiness

I have determined that it is time for a new catch phrase to be created, and being the generous and warm-hearted gentleman that I am, I have decided to create it. First some foundation.

"I believe the nation that invented the automobile cannot walk away from it." 2/25/09

"It was like the Special Olympics or something." 3/19/09

"In case you missed it, this week, there was a tragedy in Kansas. Ten thousand people died -- an entire town destroyed." 5/8/09

"The Cambridge police acted stupidly."; Immediately followed by, "I don't know all the facts." 7/21/09

"Our failure to act responsibly at the federal level will only open the door to irresponsibility by others," 4/23/10

That is just a smattering, these things are all over the place. Oh, those are quotes from Obama over the last 14 months.

Here's my premise. The next time some liberal/progressive/moonbat says something that is completely stupid (how often does that happen), tell them they sound just like the President. Some examples..

Dude, you know you sound just like the President.
The President couldn't have said that any better.
How Presidential of you.
You should run for President, you sound just like him.
And my favorite;
The last time I heard a line like that, it came out of a Presidents mouth.

If they don't understand, the laughter from surrounding people should help it sink in.

Jihad For Jesus?

Call them what you will, Jihadist for Jesus, Holy Hoodlums, Divine Desperadoes, Old Testament Terrorist, or a Bible Brute Squad, these Huntaree Christian Militia members are pure Satanic Evil.

I'd sure like to ask them:

What were you thinking? Were you jealous because the Israelis and Muslims are getting all the press lately? Did God really whisper in your ear and say "Hey I got an idea, why don't you kill some cops for me? I'm kinda busy" ?

If you all absolutely had to be raving religious whack jobs, couldn't you have followed the example of the Jim Jones cult? Guyana Grape...mmm, mmm! Or maybe you could mix arsenic with wine, and suck-down some Michael Jackson inspired, Jesus Juice.

Regardless, you're all a bunch of treasonous, cowardly dumb asses. I hope you all get sent to General Population at Gitmo. Wouldn't that make a great reality show? It could run for years. Because despite Obama's Executive Order and promises, it's going to open for a long time.

I love finishing on a positive note

Obama, "The buck stops with me"... again

"The buck stops with me." Now where have I heard that before? Oh yeah, March 18, 2009. That time it was about AIG executive bonuses.

Did the buck stop there? I don't think so. They just kept on a flowin'. So what makes us believe President Barack Hussein Obama means what he says now?

A few days before that he said, "The buck stops with me."  This time it was in a press conference about the financial crisis. That's worked out well.

He told us, at least eight different times during his campaign, he would have the health care debate on CSPAN. See what I mean? Can't trust him as far as we can throw him. Although I'm willing to try. 

Today the Chosen One stated, “The buck stops with me" when it comes to all that man-made disaster stuff and lone wolf guys with phallic shaped bombs in their panties. He also said something about accountability and being more interested in learning lessons then in blaming anyone, blah, blah, blah...

The buck stops... well maybe if it's buck shot. No, I didn't write that. It was George Bush. Yeah, let's blame him for this one too.

Sarah Palin Jacket : Note Found in Pocket

THE AUCTION HAS ENDED

The Bid on Sarah Palin's 'Going Rogue' Jacket has reached $57,000.00 according to radio host Laura Ingraham.

Bid on the jacket that Sarah Palin wore for the "Going Rogue" book cover. It is a one-of-a-kind item. In addition to the jacket, the winner will also receive a personalized copy of "Going Rogue" and have the opportunity to visit the studio with Laura.

All proceeds go to benefit The Wounded Warrior Project and The Fisher House

While trying on the jacket yesterday, Laura discovered a note in the right hand pocket. On further inspection it turned out to be a check list written by Sarah Palin. Sideshow Mirrors has obtained a copy of the note:

Global Warming Fix is Horse Shit

Co-written by Les James and our new humorist, L Ron Jeremy. We think he's going to be big.


Obama invites a Teabagging Redneck over for a Bud. They sit in the Rose Garden at the White House.

Obama: "Thank you for excepting my invitation."

Teabagging Redneck: "If having the Secret Service break down my door at 2 AM, handcuff me and drag me here in my briefs constitutes an invitation, then your welcome."

They sip at their beers for a few minutes. Obama puts his down and reaches into his coat pocket. He pulls out a tin of Copenhagen Smokeless Tobacco and offers some to the redneck.

Obama: "Try Some. Just a pinch between your cheek and gum, and all your global warming problems melt away.”

Teabagging Redneck: “The irony of that statement wasn’t lost on me. I’ll tell you Mr. President, I’ve got about 100 Billion reasons not to do this, but in the Spirit of Détente, what the hell.” He takes a pinch and places it in his mouth. His face turns bright red.

Obama: "Good isn’t it?"

Teabagging Redneck: "Oh my fuc…!" Gagging "This taste like Horse Shit!"

Obama: "Clydesdale actually. Goes well with the beer."

Teabagging Redneck: “What!” Desperately looking for somewhere to spit it out.

Obama: “Now don’t you go ruining Michele’s roses. You going to have to swallow it.”

Teabagging Redneck: “Huh?”

Obama: “You heard me. It’s your patriotic duty. Everyone’s going to have to learn to. So, swallow it.”

Teabagging Redneck: He chokes it down. “Ahggg! I think I’m going to be sick.”

Obama: “Don’t get sick yet. You’ve got to pay tax outrageous taxes for four years before you get any Obama Care benefits.”

Teabagging Redneck: “I need a bucket or something.”

Obama: “Well, you’re not getting the one on my head.” Obama looks at the redneck with disgust. “I never should have started you off on the good shit. It’s an acquired taste you know.”

Sort of Back

It's been a long while, but Sideshow Mirrors is sort of back. Let me explain. I was working a job that took up almost all my free time, and a lot of the time I did have was spent in a place with no Internet. Imagine that for a second. That's over for now.

I continued to write my weekly post at the world's number one conservative humor site, Radioactive Liberty and ignored this one. Soon changes will take place here with the addition of a second writer, who will be doing some revamping too. Should make this a better looking and more functional blog.

Talk to you soon.

Welcome to the Future of Mild Max

Mild Max is a blogger community written novel about the reality of global cooling.  In a world of constant snow, Max must leave the fortress of San Francisco and make his way through the wilds of an America changed by nature, bad decissions and even worst policy. Hosted by Conservative Political Humor & Satire by Radioactive Liberty, new chapters will appear each Friday. More information about how you can becomes a part of this fun on-going event, go to Mild Max.
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Tom Daschle: Out, Nancy Killefer: Underachiever

By Les James

President Obama's pick for the newly created position of Chief Performance Officer (sounds like something Bill would have thought up) Nancy Killefer has dropped out.  The reason stated was that she has a tax lien on her home, to the tune of $946.69.  Obviously she didn't have the same CPA as Richardson, Rangel, or Geithner. While this really could have been a mistake, in truth, she just didn't meet the high standards set by other picks. 

Just a few minutes ago, Tom Daschle pulled out. No, not his head, it's still firmly planted.  Tom Daschle has withdrawn his nomination as Secretary of Health and Human Services. Human Services... That sounds like Bill too. . 

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Fixing the Economy: Buy Me a Puppy

by Les James

The government knows full well that recessions, if left alone, historically, tend to reverse after about twenty-four months. Since we went into this one about thirteen months ago, we only have to wait out another eleven, before it will being to right itself. 

But all of this "economic stimulus" isn't about recovery, it's about control. In the long term, the greater the people are in debt to the state, the greater power the state has over We The People.

With one sixth, of the Obama's proposed 825 Billion economic stimulus package, going to schools, with the idea that it will make people feel better about being poor and unemployed, by allowing them to go to college instead or letting their kids sit in a better looking classroom, it stands to reason that buying unhappy people pets will have much the same effect. Now that was a very long sentence to describe a simple principle -our government is now focused on keeping us sedated.

 I know I'll feel better after the Obama brats get their new dog, and I can only imaging my own joy at have a tail wagging, bundle of furry fun running around my house. Just think, if Obama will just give all of us doggies of our own, we'll be too busy to worry about how we're going to pay for all of the economically crippling programs and give-aways that are squandering away our grandchild's futures.

But we shouldn't get just any dog.  No way. Every household should receive a very large bred pooch.  They're so cute when their small! We'll be so engrossed in playing with our new best friends, that we won't even notice their rapid growth or the increase in how much of our incomes they'll be eating.

And since it will be illegal to try to restrain them or stop any further increase in their now over-bloated, lard filled, Biggest Loser, fat asses, that they'll just crap all over the place, chew up the furniture and raid the pantry, on top of our bank accounts.  We'll just let them, in an attempt to keep them happy, because of all the good, loving intentions, they were suppose to deliver.

In the end, we'll discover that this short term solution to our unhappiness, has had very long term down-side effects.  Eventually, all we'll be left with is a very large, fat, unruly, ungrateful, junk yard dog, that will bite the hand that feeds it.

Maybe I don't want a free puppy after all.

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Buy American, Maybe

Today it came out that Obama the Green sold his Chrysler 300 on Ebay and bought a hybrid during the recent campaign. The estimated 17 MPG, gas guzzler just wasn't the right image for the newly eco-concerned Senator. This is the same model of car, that about four years ago, then Presidential candidate Sen. John Kerry said he was driving.  Kerry said he owned it because it was made in America.  Trouble with that is, it's really made at a Chrysler plant in Brampton, Ontario, Canada.    

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The Fonzi Scheme

Many people have asked, "What is a Ponzi scheme? How can anyone trick so many people and get all that money?"
Well, most explanations are very unsatisfactory. So, I decided to explain it myself:

Basically, the best way to explain it is to rename the Ponzi scheme, the Fonzi scheme. For those who don't know him. Here is a crash course. The television show was Happy Days. The era was Happy Days(the 50's). And the man was Fonzi! He's so cool How does he get all the girls? It's because he wears a black leather jacket, rides a motorcycle, has cigarettes rolled up his sleeve, and acts popular among high schoolers even though he is 25 years old. Maybe, if I act like Fonzi, I'll get all those girls, too.

Now, imagine Mr. Ponzi. He's so cool, he wears a black tuxedo to all the rich parties. How did he get so rich? What does he know about the market that I don't know? Oh, look. He is smoking such a fine cigar. And all the rich people and beautiful women follow him around. Maybe, if I give him a ton of my money, I can be like him, too. Gosh, this feels just like being in high school again.

And whatever happened to the good old days when the SEC was catching good wholesome people like Martha Stewart?


Fonzi photo -imageevent.com

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Hillary Just Cloning Around

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Obamass: Christmas, Obama Style

Help celebrate a holiday with balls

Wow, it's that time of year again and I've been feeling like something is missing.  After a lot of contemplation and spinning in circles until I was dizzy with inspiration, I figured out just what that was. While I don't have all the details worked out,  I do have an outline, of sorts. It's not much but with your help, it can work. It's a project we can believe in.

With the arrival of the messiah (lower case m) should we not make adjustments to reflect the magnificence of the moment?  Now I'm not as clean and articulate as the chosen one, so don't expect too much but what I suggest is, that we celebrate his birthday on December 25th of each year.  Come on, that other guy has had it for over 2000 years, isn't it about time we shared?

Since there's doubt that Obama was even born in this country -his grandmother said she was there when he was born in Kenya (which is a lot closer to Bethlehem than Hawaii) - then it stands to reason that we wouldn't be all that sure of the date either.  His mother wasn't a virgin but she was a radical 60's liberal.  That's a lot better in many circles. The coincidences are uncanny.

I humbly submit a new name for that date.  In his honor, we should now and forevermore refer to December 25th as Obamass (emphasis on the second syllable).  It would still be a time of great giving as the deadline for filling taxes would now fall on the same day.

Other ideas keeping with the spirit of the season might include:

All gifts great and small would be taxed.  A windfall food tax would be incurred for any excessive feasting activities.  Carbon Footprint fines would be doubled for those traveling outside of prescribed boundaries during this time of celebration. Similar to fingerprints, Carbon Footprinting would be used to ID perps. The old adage that 'it's the thought that counts', would be taken to mean that you have considered purchasing a gift and, of course, would be taxed according by a percentage of your last tax return, on a upwardly sliding scale.

All of this gift revenue would go directly to the needy -and some of it to the poor.

I know there's so much more we can do but I've run out of ideas. 

Please help by adding suggestions as to how to make the first Obamass the standard by which all others will be judged.  I look forward to your input. Together, we can make a difference.

I encourage bloggers to use their forums to promote this blessed event.

Thank you and Merry Obamass!

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The Obama Cabinet at Radioactive Liberty

The Obama Cabinet is front and center at my post this week at Political Humor & Satire by Radioactive Liberty.  
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Obama will hunt for Osama

Osama bin Laden is still the most sought after man in the world, according to a close aid of President elect Barack Hussein Obama. “We are going to make it a very high priority to hunt down and kill Osama,” the aid remarked. “But if we only succeed in capturing him, well bring him to the States and give him a lawyer. He deserves the right of every American citizen to a fair trial and the presumption of innocence.”

During the recent campaign Obama promised to kill Osama. But leaked intelligence out of the Pentagon suggests he may already be dead. “Intelligence is what got us into this mess in the first place,” the same aid said. “Remember the lies the NSA were forced to tell that got us into Iraq? Where are the WMDs? President Obama has no use for intelligence and you won’t find a ounce of it anywhere in the decision making processes of this administration.”

When asked about choices for the various Cabinet positions, a second aid to the President elect said, “We are going about it in a very methodical way. We have this broom handle, you see. All the candidates for a particular position on the Cabinet gather around, and on a signal, they start grabbing for the stick. One will grab the long stick at the base and then they fight to place their hands above that one. Hands are quickly stacked, one on top of the other. The stick gets shorter and shorter as they near the top. The one who places their hand on the very top, of the now very short stick, gets the post. It's very exciting. We want American’s to know that they will always get the short end of the stick with us.”

The aid went on to say, President Obama deeply regrets the hanging of Saddam Hussein. “This was a man who could have been very useful here in our administration when it comes to working with Republicans. He knew how to effectively deal with minorities.”

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Bush: Last Days

Sideshow Mirrors is happy to announce a guest today. Mark N. McCann answered the call for humor writers wanted. OK, he answered, now you be the judge.

Updated: 20 minutes ago

Out-going Pres, George W. Bush, declared "one final goal" as commander in chief

Upyrss: 20 minutes ago

Washington DC (UPYRSS)_To prevent a replay of the carnage left in the wake of Hurricane Katrina, the Bush administration has awarded Haliburton Company a $450 billion feasibility study into the creation of the world's largest sponge.

--Read more--

Out-going Pres, George W. Bush, declared "one final goal" as commander in chief

By Unrepentant Philistines Yammering Repetitious Stupid Stuff

1:23 PM DDT, February 31, 2008

Washington DC (UPYRSS)_To prevent a replay of the carnage left in the wake of Hurricane Katrina, the Bush administration has awarded Haliburton Company a $450 billion feasibility study into the creation of the world's largest sponge.

FOX News Service (FNS) reports, "Bleeding heart liberals maintain the measure is unnecessary and ill-advised thus condemning the most populous city in Louisiana to certain destruction."

Bush, "Exclusive news coverage... will be awarded... to an undisclosed... insert grin, I mean... uh... news, Fox News... an unnamed news... agency."

Updated: 22 minutes ago

US Supreme Court has ruled 5-to-4 in favor of all future GOP decisions

Upyrs: 22 minutes ago

Washington DC (UPYRS)_Antonin Scalia declared his unabashed opposition to "democratic rhetoric and liberal realpolitik ramblings."

--Read More--

US Supreme Court has ruled 5-to-4 in favor of all future GOP decisions

By Unrepentant Philistines Yammering Repetitious Stupid Stuff

1:21 PM DDT, February 31, 2008

Antonin Scalia declared his unabashed opposition to "democratic rhetoric and liberal realpolitik ramblings."

Scalia later recanted his statement to clarify, "I meant Democratic as in the party of the left-wing socialist, um... The Democrats. That's what I meant." It was announced later that the Supreme Court justice will take an extended vacation to Sarasota Springs, followed by a visit to Lourdes.

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Donald Rumsfeld In Retirement

Humor-Blogs knows Gnomes

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The Obama-Nation Anthem and Obama - Biden Plan

Today at Conservative Political Humor & Satire by Radioactive Liberty, I take a look at the real meaning of the Obama-Biden Plan and uncover the words to the Obama-Nation Anthem. Tomorrow at Radioactive Liberty, the whole crew, FIAR, Chris C, Monty -from the Super Liberal (just to be fair) and me, Les James, will be bringing you up to the minute coverage of  Election 2008.

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The Wizard Ozbama #9

This is the final snapshot in the series, The Wizard Ozbama.  You'll just have to wait to see how is turns out like everyone else.

Check out the other eight: The Wizard Ozbama #1 #2, #3, #4, #5 ,#6, #7, #8,

Humor-Blogs is turning blue, holding it's breath

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