Global Warming Fix is Horse Shit

Co-written by Les James and our new humorist, L Ron Jeremy. We think he's going to be big.


Obama invites a Teabagging Redneck over for a Bud. They sit in the Rose Garden at the White House.

Obama: "Thank you for excepting my invitation."

Teabagging Redneck: "If having the Secret Service break down my door at 2 AM, handcuff me and drag me here in my briefs constitutes an invitation, then your welcome."

They sip at their beers for a few minutes. Obama puts his down and reaches into his coat pocket. He pulls out a tin of Copenhagen Smokeless Tobacco and offers some to the redneck.

Obama: "Try Some. Just a pinch between your cheek and gum, and all your global warming problems melt away.”

Teabagging Redneck: “The irony of that statement wasn’t lost on me. I’ll tell you Mr. President, I’ve got about 100 Billion reasons not to do this, but in the Spirit of Détente, what the hell.” He takes a pinch and places it in his mouth. His face turns bright red.

Obama: "Good isn’t it?"

Teabagging Redneck: "Oh my fuc…!" Gagging "This taste like Horse Shit!"

Obama: "Clydesdale actually. Goes well with the beer."

Teabagging Redneck: “What!” Desperately looking for somewhere to spit it out.

Obama: “Now don’t you go ruining Michele’s roses. You going to have to swallow it.”

Teabagging Redneck: “Huh?”

Obama: “You heard me. It’s your patriotic duty. Everyone’s going to have to learn to. So, swallow it.”

Teabagging Redneck: He chokes it down. “Ahggg! I think I’m going to be sick.”

Obama: “Don’t get sick yet. You’ve got to pay tax outrageous taxes for four years before you get any Obama Care benefits.”

Teabagging Redneck: “I need a bucket or something.”

Obama: “Well, you’re not getting the one on my head.” Obama looks at the redneck with disgust. “I never should have started you off on the good shit. It’s an acquired taste you know.”

Election 2008: The Morning After

Obama singing softly to himself:

“I’m half white
But that’s alright
Because I say
It’s not that way

They can’t attack
Because I’m black…”

He sees his running mate entering the room and stops.

Scrappy Joe walks into a makeshift office, stepping over passed-out sycophants and wading through ankle deep party refuse. Someone groans, pukes and then is silent.

Biden, a little sickened by the scene, makes his way toward Obama.

Biden: “Well, Barack we pulled it off.”

Obama: “What?”

Biden: “ I said…”

Obama: “I heard what you said. You used my first name.”

Biden: “Yeah…”

Obama: “Who the hell do you think you are? I’m Mr. President to you, there sen-a-tor.”

Biden: “Yeah funny. Now can we get down to…”

Obama: “Guards!”

Pause. Biden looks around.

Obama: “Guards!”

A Secret Service agent pokes his head in: “Yes sir, you needed something?”

Obama: “Damn right I do. Take this man to the dungeon and slap him in irons!”

Secret Service agent: “Ah,we're in a hotel sir…they, er…don’t have a, ah, dungeon.”

Waving a dismissive hand at the agent, “Fine. Go away.” Looking at Biden, “You’re lucky I’m in a compassionate mood. I could have you shot.”

Biden just stares

Obama: “First order of business. Send a dozen black roses with a card saying 'So sorry for you loss' over to McLoser’s place.”

Biden’s mouth starts to open but stops half way.

Obama: “Next, I want the Palins to wake up tomorrow morning with a bloody moose head in their bed. That should send a clear enough signal to stay up there in that frozen wasteland.”

Biden’s mouth drops the rest of the way open.

Obama: “You getting all of this?”

Biden nods, dumbfounded, which is a first for him.

Obama: “After that, get Reid, Pelosi and Supremes over here for a chat. They need to know who they work for now. Oh, and get the Constitution and someone who can do calligraphy, there are a few changes I want to make. And then….”

Biden moans, “What have we done?”

The party's never over at Humor-Blogs.com
Stumble It!

Donkeys, Elephants and Cows, Oh My

Today at Conservative Political Humor & Satire by Radioactive Liberty, I spin a little tale of the elephants, donkeys and cows. It's 2008 election satire where herbivorous go wild.

Stumble It!

The Wizard Ozbama #7

You may want to shield the little ones' eyes this week. The Wizard Ozbama gets a little graphic at this point. Two weeks ago we saw Sarah Palin in a cameo role. This week Joe Biden flies in for a peak. Catch this series every Friday until the election.



Check out the first six: The Wizard Ozbama #1 #2, #3, #4, #5 ,#6

Like this or any other Sideshow Mirrors post? You can vote for them at humor-blogs.com

Job Hunting Satire

Welcome to Sure Happy It's Thursday© or S.H.I.T. Today is a dedicated to all of you who are looking for, or would like to look for different employment.


To whom it may concern,

I am writing this letter to inform you of my decision to look for another job. I will be leaving immediately as the interview process is lengthy and it will take me away from this area for some time.

You may find it odd that I would do this, since I have only been employed here for a short period of time but I believe it’s been long enough to use on my resume. In fact, many of my fellow employees are backing me in this decision.

Luckily for me the people doing these interviews are not very bright. I know from what I’ve learned here and at my previous position, that I should be able to convince them to hire me over the far more experienced candidates.

While I am gone I expect to be paid in full for the job that I won’t be doing and retain my entire benefits package and all perks related to my position here. Further I expect to be given a glowing recommendation from the heads of this establishment.

It’s comforting to know that should I somehow fail to obtain the employment that I am seeking, that my office is waiting for me here.



Sincerely,




Senator Barack Hussein Obama


You won't find too many jobs but you will find funny listings at Humor-blogs.com

Barack Obama, In His Own Words

Quotes are funny things. When you lift them from a list, you have no idea what the context might have been. The following answers are straight out of the mouth of Barack Obama, I had to guess at the questions. I hope I wasn’t too far off.

Question: When your young children don’t mind what do you do? Put them on restriction, take away TV? How do you punish them?

Obama: I've got two daughters. 9 years old and 6 years old. I am going to teach them first of all about values and morals. But if they make a mistake, I don't want them punished with a baby.

Question: Why should Americans support you when your administration would grow a bigger government, raise taxes and make the average Joe more dependent upon Washington, meaning they'll have to work a lot harder while having less money and freedom?

Obama: Focusing your life solely on making a buck shows a certain poverty of ambition. It asks too little of yourself. Because it's only when you hitch your wagon to something larger than yourself that you realize your true potential.

Question: I know you have a lot on your plate but what is the most pressing question in you life?

Obama: Why can't I just eat my waffle?

Question: What do you think of conservative talk radio?

Obama: We have real enemies in the world. These enemies must be found. They must be pursued and they must be defeated.

Question: If you suddenly could no longer be in government service what would you do with yourself?

Obama: With the changing economy, no one has lifetime employment. But community colleges provide lifetime employability.

Question: Do you have faith in Joe Biden to keep his mouth shut?

Obama: You know, my faith is one that admits some doubt.

Question: What do you see as the major difference between your presidential bid and that of the campaign ran by John Kerry?

Obama: John Kerry believes in an America where hard work is rewarded.

Question: Why do you want to be President?

Obama: Money is not the only answer, but it makes a difference..

Question: Why has your campaign turned to using negative ads?

Obama: In the end, that's what this election is about. Do we participate in a politics of cynicism or a politics of hope?

Question: Sarah Palin has a down to earth, folksy way of speaking, of explaining the issues to the common people in a way they can understand . What's your approach?

Obama: Issues are never simple. One thing I’m proud of is that very rarely will you hear me simplify the issues.

Question: You’ve stated that Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure had a profound impact upon your life. Why?

Obama: We need to internalize this idea of excellence. Not many folks spend a lot of time trying to be excellent.

Question: If you could retract one statement that you’ve made during your campaign, what would it be?

Obama: Change will not come if we wait for some other person or some other time. We are the ones we've been waiting for. We are the change that we seek.

Question: I understand you love chili and that you've been searching for that perfect bowl in each state that you visit. How’s many bowls before you've got them all?

Obama: Over the last 15 months, we’ve traveled to every corner of the United States. I’ve now been in 57 states? I think one left to go.

Question: Polls show Congress with single digit approval numbers. What do you see as the solution to reign in the childish behavior of you and your colleagues?

Obama: What Washington needs is adult supervision.

Question: Is there anything you'd like to add?

Obama: The fact that my 15 minutes of fame has extended a little longer than 15 minutes is somewhat surprising to me and completely baffling to my wife.

Question: Can we stop this now?

Obama: Yes we can!

In the words of Obama, People of Berlin - people of the world - this is our moment. This is our time. So click here and vote for the post you love.

The Wizard Ozbama #6

Gather up the kiddies. It's time for the next snapshot of that soon to be released remake of the classic Wizard of OZ. The Wizard Ozbama will appear here every Friday, like your paycheck, and disappear just as quickly. If you've missed any, click on the links below to see all of this exciting series. Last week the Right-Wing Witch made her appearance, this week the Wicked Witch of the Left is seen for the first time.
Check out the first five: The Wizard Ozbama #1 #2, #3, #4, #5

It not a Hollywood blockbuster but Humor-blogs has a lot of new releases. Please drop in and vote for your favorites.

Barack Obama is a Rich, White, Elitist, Liberal

Les: Welcome back to the Les James Show. Today we have as our in-studio guest a top aide to Presidential candidate Barack The Man With No Middle Name Obama. He’s asked to remain anonymous since I’m sure his boss wouldn’t want him appearing with the likes of someone like me. We’ll just call him Guy.

Let’s dispense with the usual formalities and jump right into the questions. What do you say Guy?

Guy: That’s fine with me.

Les: Great. How long have you been with the Obama campaign?

Guy: About a year now. It's been a very interesting time for me, I've grown a lot.

Les: So your taller, that's nice.

Guy: No, I mean, I've learned a lot.

Les: You've been hanging around politicians way too much. You don't say what you mean, do you? Don't answer, that was rhetorical. Enough about you, let's talk about Barack Obama. What is it about him that has some people so excited and don't give me that agent of change stuff.

Guy: Well, he is an agent of change but…

Les: I asked you not to go down that path. Next you’re going to tell me Jesus was a community organizer.

Guy: There are similarities, but OK, I’ll get to your question. What has so many people excited is that we have the chance of electing our first black President.

Les: I knew it! It's all about him being black, isn't it? You're saying that race is the main reason that you think Americans will vote from him?

Guy: No, Obama being black may play a small part but mostly he's the right man for our time.

Les: Good answer. You're wrong about the black part though. Because he's white, you know.

Guy: No, Obama's black.

Les: Why because he says so? He's half white, so that makes him only half black. He says he's black. I say he's white. So in my correct opinion, that makes him just another wealthy, under-experienced liberal, white, elitist. Nothing new there.

Guy: He's black and I don't want to discuss it any further.

Les: Fine he's black, if it’ll make you feel better. But you obviously agree with the rest of my assessment. Now, I've heard it said that Obama's a big man.

Guy: I didn’t say... never mind. Yes, to answer you question, he is a big man, why just this week...

Les: So it's true what they say about black dudes?

Guy: What are you talking about?

Les: You're the one who said he was a big man. I only repeated something I'd heard. Wait a second. You've been peaking haven't you? This is awkward. Are you gay? I mean that's fine if you are. But does Obama know a gay guy has been staring at his...

Guy: I'm not a … I mean, I'm not gay.

Les: Oh my! What was that all about? Well, either you're a liar, or you're a bigot. No sense trying to deny it. Because no matter what you say, you'll only dig yourself in deeper. But either way, tell me about Obama's plan to repeal "Don't Ask Don't Tell".

Guy: I don’t appreciated what you’re inferring.

Les: Are you going to answer the question or not?

Guy: I’ll answer your question but only because finally you asked a serious one.

Les: Good, then please answer it.

Guy: I will. Obama believes that every American deserves a chance to serve their country. There are you happy now?

Les: Yep, I am. That wasn’t so difficult was it? Now, you had a lot to do with this line of reasoning, didn’t you?

Guy: As a mater of fact, I did and I'm rather proud of it.

Les: Would that be gay pride or do you just want ‘em out of the wall locker, where they can be easily targeted and beaten half to death?

Guy: I told you, I'm not gay and I don’t want anyone beaten…

Les: Fine. So let’s recap. Obama is a rich, white guy posing as a black one to get votes, who has a savior complex and hires sneaky, homosexual, hate mongers. Do I have that about right?

Guy: You know what? I've had enough of you and your crap. That's it. I'm leaving. I haven’t been so insulted since Rush Limbaugh misquoted me.

Les: Sorry, I should’ve tried harder. Oh, don’t forget your man purse.

Guy: It’s a satchel!

Les: Yeah, whatever.

Guy: Aaaarrrrgggggg!!!

Les: I think that went well.

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