John McCain: In His Own Words

John McCain is not known for his subdued nature. He can get a little hot under the collar now and again.

Here are a few of his responses to statements and questions. Once again, I pulled them off of web sites without knowing what the original statements or questions were. So I did my best to fill in those blanks. You really didn’t think that I would stop with Obama did you? Here he is, John McCain, in his own words.

Question: “Some have said that when it comes to border security, you don’t know your ass from a hole in the ground. How do you respond?”

McCain: “Sure. Technically, I don't know."

Question from a MTV interview: “What do you think about the voting system on American Idol?”

McCain: “Dishonest and dishonorable.”

Question: “Why are the congressional washrooms always in such a state?”

McCain: “The problem… is that most members of Congress don’t pay attention to what’s going on.”

Follow-up question: “Does this apply to you? Is your aim off too?”

McCain: “It's easy for me to go to Washington and, frankly, be somewhat divorced from the day-to-day challenges people have.”

Question: “It’s said that there’s a secret document that has the actual number hotels or condos where Senator Kennedy has been found with a hooker, passed out. Can you give us any details?”

McCain: “I think -- I'll have my staff get to you. It's condominiums where -- I'll have them get to you.”

Question from a sixth grade teacher during a visit to a classroom: “Senator McCain would you please tell us your experience with money matters that effect our current banking crisis?”

McCain: “I understand the economy. I was Chairman of the Commerce Committee that oversights every part of our economy.”

Statement from a sixth grader in that class: “My dad says that even us kids know more than you do about the economy.”

McCain: “F*** you! I know more about this than anyone else in the room.”

Question from a recent rally: “Senator, you’ve hinted at a plan that you say will free the American people from the Democrat control of government. Could you please tell us what that is?”

McCain: “Across this country this is the agenda I have set before my fellow prisoners. And the same standards of clarity and candor must now be applied to my opponent."

Question: “Here at FFA we teach the principles of farming to our youth. Do you have any words of wisdom for them?”

McCain: “Never get into a wrestling match with a pig. You both get dirty, and the pig likes it.”

Question: “Several bloggers have referred to Sarah Palin’s body as hot. Have you seen these post?”

McCain: “I have not had a chance to see it in writing, so I have to examine it.”

From a frantic woman in Pennsylvania: “If Obama isn’t the devil then he’s demon possessed. Senator McCain, you have to stop the Obamanation from getting into office, he will destroy our country and eat our children!”

McCain: “Ma’am, let me say that I don't disagree with anything you said."

I had a chance to ask Senator John Sidney McCain what he thought of my treatment of his responses.

Les: “Senator, are you suggesting that I’m not a funny writer?”

McCain: “No, I’m calling you a f***ing jerk.”

Les: "I see. Is there anything you’d like to add?”

McCain: “I'm John McCain, and I approved this message.”

Humor-Blogs is filled to the brim with mavericks. Go there a brand one for yourself.

Stumble It!

Job Hunting Satire

Welcome to Sure Happy It's Thursday© or S.H.I.T. Today is a dedicated to all of you who are looking for, or would like to look for different employment.


To whom it may concern,

I am writing this letter to inform you of my decision to look for another job. I will be leaving immediately as the interview process is lengthy and it will take me away from this area for some time.

You may find it odd that I would do this, since I have only been employed here for a short period of time but I believe it’s been long enough to use on my resume. In fact, many of my fellow employees are backing me in this decision.

Luckily for me the people doing these interviews are not very bright. I know from what I’ve learned here and at my previous position, that I should be able to convince them to hire me over the far more experienced candidates.

While I am gone I expect to be paid in full for the job that I won’t be doing and retain my entire benefits package and all perks related to my position here. Further I expect to be given a glowing recommendation from the heads of this establishment.

It’s comforting to know that should I somehow fail to obtain the employment that I am seeking, that my office is waiting for me here.



Sincerely,




Senator Barack Hussein Obama


You won't find too many jobs but you will find funny listings at Humor-blogs.com

Barack Obama, In His Own Words

Quotes are funny things. When you lift them from a list, you have no idea what the context might have been. The following answers are straight out of the mouth of Barack Obama, I had to guess at the questions. I hope I wasn’t too far off.

Question: When your young children don’t mind what do you do? Put them on restriction, take away TV? How do you punish them?

Obama: I've got two daughters. 9 years old and 6 years old. I am going to teach them first of all about values and morals. But if they make a mistake, I don't want them punished with a baby.

Question: Why should Americans support you when your administration would grow a bigger government, raise taxes and make the average Joe more dependent upon Washington, meaning they'll have to work a lot harder while having less money and freedom?

Obama: Focusing your life solely on making a buck shows a certain poverty of ambition. It asks too little of yourself. Because it's only when you hitch your wagon to something larger than yourself that you realize your true potential.

Question: I know you have a lot on your plate but what is the most pressing question in you life?

Obama: Why can't I just eat my waffle?

Question: What do you think of conservative talk radio?

Obama: We have real enemies in the world. These enemies must be found. They must be pursued and they must be defeated.

Question: If you suddenly could no longer be in government service what would you do with yourself?

Obama: With the changing economy, no one has lifetime employment. But community colleges provide lifetime employability.

Question: Do you have faith in Joe Biden to keep his mouth shut?

Obama: You know, my faith is one that admits some doubt.

Question: What do you see as the major difference between your presidential bid and that of the campaign ran by John Kerry?

Obama: John Kerry believes in an America where hard work is rewarded.

Question: Why do you want to be President?

Obama: Money is not the only answer, but it makes a difference..

Question: Why has your campaign turned to using negative ads?

Obama: In the end, that's what this election is about. Do we participate in a politics of cynicism or a politics of hope?

Question: Sarah Palin has a down to earth, folksy way of speaking, of explaining the issues to the common people in a way they can understand . What's your approach?

Obama: Issues are never simple. One thing I’m proud of is that very rarely will you hear me simplify the issues.

Question: You’ve stated that Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure had a profound impact upon your life. Why?

Obama: We need to internalize this idea of excellence. Not many folks spend a lot of time trying to be excellent.

Question: If you could retract one statement that you’ve made during your campaign, what would it be?

Obama: Change will not come if we wait for some other person or some other time. We are the ones we've been waiting for. We are the change that we seek.

Question: I understand you love chili and that you've been searching for that perfect bowl in each state that you visit. How’s many bowls before you've got them all?

Obama: Over the last 15 months, we’ve traveled to every corner of the United States. I’ve now been in 57 states? I think one left to go.

Question: Polls show Congress with single digit approval numbers. What do you see as the solution to reign in the childish behavior of you and your colleagues?

Obama: What Washington needs is adult supervision.

Question: Is there anything you'd like to add?

Obama: The fact that my 15 minutes of fame has extended a little longer than 15 minutes is somewhat surprising to me and completely baffling to my wife.

Question: Can we stop this now?

Obama: Yes we can!

In the words of Obama, People of Berlin - people of the world - this is our moment. This is our time. So click here and vote for the post you love.

The Wizard Ozbama #5

Once again it's time for the next picture from the up-coming movie The Wizard Ozbama. SatireParody Military Political Humor by Sideshow Mirrors will be bringing you a new one every Friday from now until the election.


Check out the first four: The Wizard Ozbama #1 #2, #3, #4

It ain't Oz but Humor-blogs has some funny stuff. Please drop in and vote for your favorites.

Barack Obama is a Rich, White, Elitist, Liberal

Les: Welcome back to the Les James Show. Today we have as our in-studio guest a top aide to Presidential candidate Barack The Man With No Middle Name Obama. He’s asked to remain anonymous since I’m sure his boss wouldn’t want him appearing with the likes of someone like me. We’ll just call him Guy.

Let’s dispense with the usual formalities and jump right into the questions. What do you say Guy?

Guy: That’s fine with me.

Les: Great. How long have you been with the Obama campaign?

Guy: About a year now. It's been a very interesting time for me, I've grown a lot.

Les: So your taller, that's nice.

Guy: No, I mean, I've learned a lot.

Les: You've been hanging around politicians way too much. You don't say what you mean, do you? Don't answer, that was rhetorical. Enough about you, let's talk about Barack Obama. What is it about him that has some people so excited and don't give me that agent of change stuff.

Guy: Well, he is an agent of change but…

Les: I asked you not to go down that path. Next you’re going to tell me Jesus was a community organizer.

Guy: There are similarities, but OK, I’ll get to your question. What has so many people excited is that we have the chance of electing our first black President.

Les: I knew it! It's all about him being black, isn't it? You're saying that race is the main reason that you think Americans will vote from him?

Guy: No, Obama being black may play a small part but mostly he's the right man for our time.

Les: Good answer. You're wrong about the black part though. Because he's white, you know.

Guy: No, Obama's black.

Les: Why because he says so? He's half white, so that makes him only half black. He says he's black. I say he's white. So in my correct opinion, that makes him just another wealthy, under-experienced liberal, white, elitist. Nothing new there.

Guy: He's black and I don't want to discuss it any further.

Les: Fine he's black, if it’ll make you feel better. But you obviously agree with the rest of my assessment. Now, I've heard it said that Obama's a big man.

Guy: I didn’t say... never mind. Yes, to answer you question, he is a big man, why just this week...

Les: So it's true what they say about black dudes?

Guy: What are you talking about?

Les: You're the one who said he was a big man. I only repeated something I'd heard. Wait a second. You've been peaking haven't you? This is awkward. Are you gay? I mean that's fine if you are. But does Obama know a gay guy has been staring at his...

Guy: I'm not a … I mean, I'm not gay.

Les: Oh my! What was that all about? Well, either you're a liar, or you're a bigot. No sense trying to deny it. Because no matter what you say, you'll only dig yourself in deeper. But either way, tell me about Obama's plan to repeal "Don't Ask Don't Tell".

Guy: I don’t appreciated what you’re inferring.

Les: Are you going to answer the question or not?

Guy: I’ll answer your question but only because finally you asked a serious one.

Les: Good, then please answer it.

Guy: I will. Obama believes that every American deserves a chance to serve their country. There are you happy now?

Les: Yep, I am. That wasn’t so difficult was it? Now, you had a lot to do with this line of reasoning, didn’t you?

Guy: As a mater of fact, I did and I'm rather proud of it.

Les: Would that be gay pride or do you just want ‘em out of the wall locker, where they can be easily targeted and beaten half to death?

Guy: I told you, I'm not gay and I don’t want anyone beaten…

Les: Fine. So let’s recap. Obama is a rich, white guy posing as a black one to get votes, who has a savior complex and hires sneaky, homosexual, hate mongers. Do I have that about right?

Guy: You know what? I've had enough of you and your crap. That's it. I'm leaving. I haven’t been so insulted since Rush Limbaugh misquoted me.

Les: Sorry, I should’ve tried harder. Oh, don’t forget your man purse.

Guy: It’s a satchel!

Les: Yeah, whatever.

Guy: Aaaarrrrgggggg!!!

Les: I think that went well.

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The Wizard Ozbama #4

It's Friday, so it's time for the next snapshot of the Wizard Ozbama.




Drop everything and please head over to Humor-blog.com to vote for your favorite blogs.

The Wizard Ozbama #3

It's Friday, and that means it's time for the next in the exciting series, The Wizard Ozbama. Tune in every Friday from now until the election for an exclusive still from the upcoming movie.



Please take a minute and go to Humor-blogs.com and vote for this and other wonderful blogs.

The Wizard Ozbama #1

Every Friday from now until the election, Sideshow Mirrors will be proudly showing you exclusive still photos from an upcoming re-make of the Wizard of Oz. While the tile of this big budget, sure to be a mega-block-buster movie is still undecided, the working title is The Wizard Ozbama.

Just as in the orginal, until Dorothy reaches Oz, the film will be in grainy black and white.

Dems Nominate Obama...Duh

Welcome to Sure Happy It's Thursday© or S.H.I.T.. This is where I blather on incoherently about what ever for a few moments. Today it's about the Democrat Convention, or as I like to call it, The Donkey Show.

I guess as a Democrat all you have to do to be picked, as your party’s candidate for President, is to get a bunch of people to yell really loud. I wonder if the delegates from Michigan and Florida were told to only yell half as loud since they were only half a person each?

Being a Democrat seems to mean the rules are only guidelines that can be suspended at any time, simply because they don’t fit in well with your plans. Silly guidelines like their own bylaws or possibly the U.S. Constitution. Or maybe they'll just re-write the Bill of Rights like good ol' Mr. Woodrow Wilson wanted to do. For some reason Obama reminds me of Dennis the Menace.

But that assumes they win the White House. Otherwise we’ll be in for four years of McCain getting tough, just before he caves to Nancy Pelosi’s and Harry Read’s demands.



Trotting out another ass, last night Bill was in the spotlight. Big deal. Like we didn't know that he was going to support his party. Now if Biden can just keep his ass from running his mouth...Nah. Between his well know comments about his would-be boss and Carter calling Obama a "black boy" there will be no end to the blogging hi jinks. Keep up the good work Dems.

Tonight at Invesco Field, Obama will either float in from on high like Criss Angel or walk across a reflection pool on his way to the stage to he give his acceptance speech. I fully expect the heavens to open and St Peter himself to descend to personally give Obama special dispensation and his blessing.

What ever happens it surly will be a spectacle. Oh, and very green.

Yelling doesn't work well here but a smiley face does. If you liked this, please head on over to Humor-Blogs.com and show me you still care. Please.

Obama's Half-Brother "Found"

Democrat Presidential candidate, Senator Barack Hussein Obama today slammed Republican Senator John McCain by saying, "Our job in this election is not just 'win,' although I'm a big believer in winning…I don't intend to lose this election. John McCain doesn't know what he's up against.” Obama continued with, "He can talk all he wants about Britney and Paris, but I don't have time for that mess."

This was in obvious reference to George Hussein Onyango Obama, Barack’s half-brother being located living in a slum in the town of Huruma on the outskirts of Nairobi, Kenya. George is but one of eight children produced by Obama’s father to four different wives.

The Senator from Illinois, and presumed next President of the United States, seems to be considering bringing his extended family together to act as “muscle” for his bid for the White House.



“I wish my brother George was here,” the Senator was heard to lament just a week or so ago. Now it seems he will have his wish. But with family scattered from England, to China, to Kenya and beyond, it may take a while to bring them all together.

Once tracked-down, George Obama was reported to say "No-one knows who I am. I live here on less than a dollar a month." When asked how he earns his dollar a month he said, “Oh, no. I do not earn it. Barack is very generous; he sends me the money every month. But it is always in change. He is big on change.”

When George was asked how he likes the idea of coming to America to help his half-brother with his political fight, he replied “I have scars from defending myself with my fists. I am good with my fists."



Photo: Guy Calaf