Monday, September 22, 2008

Barack Obama is a Rich, White, Elitist, Liberal


Les: Welcome back to the Les James Show. Today we have as our in-studio guest a top aide to Presidential candidate Barack The Man With No Middle Name Obama. He’s asked to remain anonymous since I’m sure his boss wouldn’t want him appearing with the likes of someone like me. We’ll just call him Guy.

Let’s dispense with the usual formalities and jump right into the questions. What do you say Guy?

Guy: That’s fine with me.

Les: Great. How long have you been with the Obama campaign?

Guy: About a year now. It's been a very interesting time for me, I've grown a lot.

Les: So your taller, that's nice.

Guy: No, I mean, I've learned a lot.

Les: You've been hanging around politicians way too much. You don't say what you mean, do you? Don't answer, that was rhetorical. Enough about you, let's talk about Barack Obama. What is it about him that has some people so excited and don't give me that agent of change stuff.

Guy: Well, he is an agent of change but…

Les: I asked you not to go down that path. Next you’re going to tell me Jesus was a community organizer.

Guy: There are similarities, but OK, I’ll get to your question. What has so many people excited is that we have the chance of electing our first black President.

Les: I knew it! It's all about him being black, isn't it? You're saying that race is the main reason that you think Americans will vote from him?

Guy: No, Obama being black may play a small part but mostly he's the right man for our time.

Les: Good answer. You're wrong about the black part though. Because he's white, you know.

Guy: No, Obama's black.

Les: Why because he says so? He's half white, so that makes him only half black. He says he's black. I say he's white. So in my correct opinion, that makes him just another wealthy, under-experienced liberal, white, elitist. Nothing new there.

Guy: He's black and I don't want to discuss it any further.

Les: Fine he's black, if it’ll make you feel better. But you obviously agree with the rest of my assessment. Now, I've heard it said that Obama's a big man.

Guy: I didn’t say... never mind. Yes, to answer you question, he is a big man, why just this week...

Les: So it's true what they say about black dudes?

Guy: What are you talking about?

Les: You're the one who said he was a big man. I only repeated something I'd heard. Wait a second. You've been peaking haven't you? This is awkward. Are you gay? I mean that's fine if you are. But does Obama know a gay guy has been staring at his...

Guy: I'm not a … I mean, I'm not gay.

Les: Oh my! What was that all about? Well, either you're a liar, or you're a bigot. No sense trying to deny it. Because no matter what you say, you'll only dig yourself in deeper. But either way, tell me about Obama's plan to repeal "Don't Ask Don't Tell".

Guy: I don’t appreciated what you’re inferring.

Les: Are you going to answer the question or not?

Guy: I’ll answer your question but only because finally you asked a serious one.

Les: Good, then please answer it.

Guy: I will. Obama believes that every American deserves a chance to serve their country. There are you happy now?

Les: Yep, I am. That wasn’t so difficult was it? Now, you had a lot to do with this line of reasoning, didn’t you?

Guy: As a mater of fact, I did and I'm rather proud of it.

Les: Would that be gay pride or do you just want ‘em out of the wall locker, where they can be easily targeted and beaten half to death?

Guy: I told you, I'm not gay and I don’t want anyone beaten…

Les: Fine. So let’s recap. Obama is a rich, white guy posing as a black one to get votes, who has a savior complex and hires sneaky, homosexual, hate mongers. Do I have that about right?

Guy: You know what? I've had enough of you and your crap. That's it. I'm leaving. I haven’t been so insulted since Rush Limbaugh misquoted me.

Les: Sorry, I should’ve tried harder. Oh, don’t forget your man purse.

Guy: It’s a satchel!

Les: Yeah, whatever.

Guy: Aaaarrrrgggggg!!!

Les: I think that went well.

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4 comments:

Fiar said...

If the interview kept going, just how many more bigoted things would GUY have said? I bet he hates babies too. Delicious, succulent babies.

Mmmmm.

Gotta go.

Fiar said...

Baby. It's what's for dinner.

Chris C said...

wow Obama's head on Al Jolson's body...I bow to your greatness.

Well done sir well done.

Les James said...

Fiar - That's the problem with these interviews, they always seem to end too soon.

Chris - I still say Obama is just applying a black face like Jolson.