Donkeys, Elephants and Cows, Oh My

Today at Conservative Political Humor & Satire by Radioactive Liberty, I spin a little tale of the elephants, donkeys and cows. It's 2008 election satire where herbivorous go wild.

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John McCain: In His Own Words

John McCain is not known for his subdued nature. He can get a little hot under the collar now and again.

Here are a few of his responses to statements and questions. Once again, I pulled them off of web sites without knowing what the original statements or questions were. So I did my best to fill in those blanks. You really didn’t think that I would stop with Obama did you? Here he is, John McCain, in his own words.

Question: “Some have said that when it comes to border security, you don’t know your ass from a hole in the ground. How do you respond?”

McCain: “Sure. Technically, I don't know."

Question from a MTV interview: “What do you think about the voting system on American Idol?”

McCain: “Dishonest and dishonorable.”

Question: “Why are the congressional washrooms always in such a state?”

McCain: “The problem… is that most members of Congress don’t pay attention to what’s going on.”

Follow-up question: “Does this apply to you? Is your aim off too?”

McCain: “It's easy for me to go to Washington and, frankly, be somewhat divorced from the day-to-day challenges people have.”

Question: “It’s said that there’s a secret document that has the actual number hotels or condos where Senator Kennedy has been found with a hooker, passed out. Can you give us any details?”

McCain: “I think -- I'll have my staff get to you. It's condominiums where -- I'll have them get to you.”

Question from a sixth grade teacher during a visit to a classroom: “Senator McCain would you please tell us your experience with money matters that effect our current banking crisis?”

McCain: “I understand the economy. I was Chairman of the Commerce Committee that oversights every part of our economy.”

Statement from a sixth grader in that class: “My dad says that even us kids know more than you do about the economy.”

McCain: “F*** you! I know more about this than anyone else in the room.”

Question from a recent rally: “Senator, you’ve hinted at a plan that you say will free the American people from the Democrat control of government. Could you please tell us what that is?”

McCain: “Across this country this is the agenda I have set before my fellow prisoners. And the same standards of clarity and candor must now be applied to my opponent."

Question: “Here at FFA we teach the principles of farming to our youth. Do you have any words of wisdom for them?”

McCain: “Never get into a wrestling match with a pig. You both get dirty, and the pig likes it.”

Question: “Several bloggers have referred to Sarah Palin’s body as hot. Have you seen these post?”

McCain: “I have not had a chance to see it in writing, so I have to examine it.”

From a frantic woman in Pennsylvania: “If Obama isn’t the devil then he’s demon possessed. Senator McCain, you have to stop the Obamanation from getting into office, he will destroy our country and eat our children!”

McCain: “Ma’am, let me say that I don't disagree with anything you said."

I had a chance to ask Senator John Sidney McCain what he thought of my treatment of his responses.

Les: “Senator, are you suggesting that I’m not a funny writer?”

McCain: “No, I’m calling you a f***ing jerk.”

Les: "I see. Is there anything you’d like to add?”

McCain: “I'm John McCain, and I approved this message.”

Humor-Blogs is filled to the brim with mavericks. Go there a brand one for yourself.

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