Rock Star!

You don't have to watch every single band play, every musician sing, and every Obama supporting celebrity in the audience smile on TV to get the essence of inauguration day. I just got back from another dimension and the 44th President was just sworn to office. Essentially, it was the same as ours, so I can give you the highlights and you can save yourself hours and hours of inaugural Obama TV watching. Basically, I can save you from a case of inaugural Obama burnout.

In the other dimension, the 44th President was a guy as popular as any rock 'n' roll star in history. Large crowds came to see him for every public appearance. On inauguration day, he was the final act after a huge list of other entertainment stars.

Except in this dimension, the 44th President did not pretend he was actually a politician. Everyone knew he was really just a rock star celebrity and that he was the final act. He said that the White House would be a staging ground for Woodstock III starting right after inauguration. And he said every pillar in the foundation of the White House was going to be filled up with an endless supply of soy milk for anyone to drink at any time.

He called himself the King and when his act finally came on, he sang, "One for the money, two for the show, three to get ready, and four to go! go! go!! Hey pretty mama!! I hope you'll like our show. I'll be singing this act for the next four years.

Don't change that channel. I'm hot. I'm just a rock star!"

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All in the Family: Part 3

Who's my real daddy?

Malia Obama was very confused with her daddy last week.

Malia thought to herself, "Daddy tells us to be more responsible parents and to 'turn off those television sets.'

Of course, daddy is the one who bought up all those ads and even aired a 30-minute infomercial."

"Malia. Turn off that television right now."

"But, daddy."

"You don't understand. I am being a responsible parent by telling you to turn off that television. America will be judging me. You don't want daddy to look like a liar, do you?"

"No."

"Plus, you don't want to know what kinds of promises I am making."

"Why?"

"Do you remember the story about the guy who had to sound good in order to get in a position to do any good?"

"Not really."

"Well, you fell asleep. Anyway, I want you to look at me and see your daddy. I don't want you to look at me and see Mr. President."

"I just wanted to watch your 30-minute infomercial."

"That's not for you."

"Daddy, then why did you put those ads and infomericals on television?"

"How shall I say it. Malia. We are smarter than most. But, not everyone is as smart as us, dear."

"Do you really think so?"

"Believe me. I know so. And you don't want to end up like them. So, turn off that television."

This completes a three part series by Mr. Shizzo. Tune in next Tuesday for his weekly post.  

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The Obama Cabinet at Radioactive Liberty

The Obama Cabinet is front and center at my post this week at Political Humor & Satire by Radioactive Liberty.  
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Obama will hunt for Osama

Osama bin Laden is still the most sought after man in the world, according to a close aid of President elect Barack Hussein Obama. “We are going to make it a very high priority to hunt down and kill Osama,” the aid remarked. “But if we only succeed in capturing him, well bring him to the States and give him a lawyer. He deserves the right of every American citizen to a fair trial and the presumption of innocence.”

During the recent campaign Obama promised to kill Osama. But leaked intelligence out of the Pentagon suggests he may already be dead. “Intelligence is what got us into this mess in the first place,” the same aid said. “Remember the lies the NSA were forced to tell that got us into Iraq? Where are the WMDs? President Obama has no use for intelligence and you won’t find a ounce of it anywhere in the decision making processes of this administration.”

When asked about choices for the various Cabinet positions, a second aid to the President elect said, “We are going about it in a very methodical way. We have this broom handle, you see. All the candidates for a particular position on the Cabinet gather around, and on a signal, they start grabbing for the stick. One will grab the long stick at the base and then they fight to place their hands above that one. Hands are quickly stacked, one on top of the other. The stick gets shorter and shorter as they near the top. The one who places their hand on the very top, of the now very short stick, gets the post. It's very exciting. We want American’s to know that they will always get the short end of the stick with us.”

The aid went on to say, President Obama deeply regrets the hanging of Saddam Hussein. “This was a man who could have been very useful here in our administration when it comes to working with Republicans. He knew how to effectively deal with minorities.”

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Election 2008: The Morning After

Obama singing softly to himself:

“I’m half white
But that’s alright
Because I say
It’s not that way

They can’t attack
Because I’m black…”

He sees his running mate entering the room and stops.

Scrappy Joe walks into a makeshift office, stepping over passed-out sycophants and wading through ankle deep party refuse. Someone groans, pukes and then is silent.

Biden, a little sickened by the scene, makes his way toward Obama.

Biden: “Well, Barack we pulled it off.”

Obama: “What?”

Biden: “ I said…”

Obama: “I heard what you said. You used my first name.”

Biden: “Yeah…”

Obama: “Who the hell do you think you are? I’m Mr. President to you, there sen-a-tor.”

Biden: “Yeah funny. Now can we get down to…”

Obama: “Guards!”

Pause. Biden looks around.

Obama: “Guards!”

A Secret Service agent pokes his head in: “Yes sir, you needed something?”

Obama: “Damn right I do. Take this man to the dungeon and slap him in irons!”

Secret Service agent: “Ah,we're in a hotel sir…they, er…don’t have a, ah, dungeon.”

Waving a dismissive hand at the agent, “Fine. Go away.” Looking at Biden, “You’re lucky I’m in a compassionate mood. I could have you shot.”

Biden just stares

Obama: “First order of business. Send a dozen black roses with a card saying 'So sorry for you loss' over to McLoser’s place.”

Biden’s mouth starts to open but stops half way.

Obama: “Next, I want the Palins to wake up tomorrow morning with a bloody moose head in their bed. That should send a clear enough signal to stay up there in that frozen wasteland.”

Biden’s mouth drops the rest of the way open.

Obama: “You getting all of this?”

Biden nods, dumbfounded, which is a first for him.

Obama: “After that, get Reid, Pelosi and Supremes over here for a chat. They need to know who they work for now. Oh, and get the Constitution and someone who can do calligraphy, there are a few changes I want to make. And then….”

Biden moans, “What have we done?”

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