All in the Family

Part 2
Who's your Mommy?

Setting: Halloween. A little girl in an angel costume rings the doorbell of a house in the neighborhood. A man answers the door ready to give out candy.

"My mommy says we should not say 'Trick or Treat' anymore."
"Oh really? Why is that?"
"She says we are no longer accepting candy this Halloween. Thank you, but no thank you."
"I see. So you are choosing to be more healthy?"
"She says we should say something else."
"Oh? Like what?"
"My mommy says we should say, 'Belly Dance or Bailout Money.'"
"Belly Dance or Bailout Money?"
"She says that our family business is in financial crisis, so if we get bailout money, it will help everyone?"
"Everyone?"
"Our business will do well and the money will go to everyone, so everyone will win."
"Uh..."
"Well? Where's my bailout money?"
"I'm sorry. I didn't prepare any bailout money for this Halloween."
"Oh, that's okay. You can just go into debt."
"Uh..."
"Well?"
"I'm not sure I can..."
"I see. How about if I ask this way? Belly Dance or Bailout Money, PLEASE."
"Oh, that's very polite of you to say please."
"Isn't it?"
"Well, again. I'm not sure if I can help you."
"My mommy said that no one wanted to Belly Dance in Congress, so that's why the Bailout got passed."
"Really?"
"Yes. And if you don't give me my bailout money, I'm going to call my mommy over here."
"Actually, I think that would be a great idea."
"Mommy. Mommy. This man isn't doing what he is supposed to. And he won't even belly dance."
"Mrs. Ah,...I'm sorry, I don't know your name."
"I'm a friend of Alvin Irvinton Gustafson."
"Oh? Who is that?"
"Oh, you don't know who that is? He goes by AIG and he said you would give me bailout money if I needed it and asked nicely. Anyway. So, what I need is your bailout money. Hand it over."
"Is that asking nicely? Anyway, that's exactly what I wanted to talk to you about."
"Can you hurry? If you don't hurry with the money, the next Great Depression is going to come our way."
"Listen. I don't appreciate all this pressure."
"Listen? Look. I didn't have to come here in person, you know. I could have just had you wire the money to me. I don't see what the big deal is. Everyone is getting it."
"Wait a minute. I need to put my foot down and say something. I don't have any bailout money for you. All I have are snickers."
"Congress used to give those to me all the time whenever we asked for government help. Are you saying you are reverting back to the old days of snickers and smirks?"
"No. I don't think you understand. I could give you mars. I'm giving you mars for free."
"What are you talking about? Make some sense. I don't want mars. I'll be dead before I can ever get there. Just like the government to sell out their future valuable real estate right now. No, don't you dare offer me the milk way or else I will gag right here."
"Actually..."
"Yes?"
"Never mind. I have a payday."
"Now you are talking."
"Do you want it?"
"I don't have to earn it, do I? You didn't say anything about earning my payday. I just want my money."
"No. Just take your payday."
"I certainly will. But, I'll be back on Tuesday."
"Tuesday? What's Tuesday?"
"You are giving away the Presidency, aren't you? My daughter really wants one. She said she would like to make government funded solar toilets."
"Uh..."
"Did you know we spend up to three years of our lives in the bathroom? She will make a great President, don't you think?"
"I need for you to leave now."
"Wait. Don't you want a kiss?"
"I already have plenty of kisses."
"You are a lucky guy. There must be a lot of hanky panky going on in your house usually. [blinks with one eye] Anyway, thanks for the payday. You won't be sorry. Remember, on Tuesday my daughter will come knocking on your door and it will be 'Pirouettes or Presidency.'"

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