Obama will hunt for Osama

Osama bin Laden is still the most sought after man in the world, according to a close aid of President elect Barack Hussein Obama. “We are going to make it a very high priority to hunt down and kill Osama,” the aid remarked. “But if we only succeed in capturing him, well bring him to the States and give him a lawyer. He deserves the right of every American citizen to a fair trial and the presumption of innocence.”

During the recent campaign Obama promised to kill Osama. But leaked intelligence out of the Pentagon suggests he may already be dead. “Intelligence is what got us into this mess in the first place,” the same aid said. “Remember the lies the NSA were forced to tell that got us into Iraq? Where are the WMDs? President Obama has no use for intelligence and you won’t find a ounce of it anywhere in the decision making processes of this administration.”

When asked about choices for the various Cabinet positions, a second aid to the President elect said, “We are going about it in a very methodical way. We have this broom handle, you see. All the candidates for a particular position on the Cabinet gather around, and on a signal, they start grabbing for the stick. One will grab the long stick at the base and then they fight to place their hands above that one. Hands are quickly stacked, one on top of the other. The stick gets shorter and shorter as they near the top. The one who places their hand on the very top, of the now very short stick, gets the post. It's very exciting. We want American’s to know that they will always get the short end of the stick with us.”

The aid went on to say, President Obama deeply regrets the hanging of Saddam Hussein. “This was a man who could have been very useful here in our administration when it comes to working with Republicans. He knew how to effectively deal with minorities.”

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