Fiar: Interview With A Demon

Each month I ask a well know humor blogger over to have some fun by being interviewed as the character of their choice. Today my very special guest is a mentor and friend, Fiar from Conservative Humor & Satire by Radioactive Liberty.

Interview With A Demon

Les: Welcome back to the Les James Show. In studio today we have an unusual guest. His name is Uh'uhuh and he's a demon.

I actually know very little about Mr. Uh'uhuh since my producer just dropped him on me at the last second. I thought we where having Sandra Bullock as our guest today. Yeah I see you all laughing behind the glass over there. Very frikkin funny. Pulled a fast one on Les. But that's OK, I'm a professional. I can handle it.

So let's bring him in. The demon Uh'uhuh.

Jeeze, you're ugly! Someone bring a towel or something. No way are you going to plop that nasty looking bare keister on my new leather chair. Just stay right there until one of the laughing boys gets you something to park that thing on.

Now Mr. Uh'uhuh or can I call you Uh'? You're going to have to bend over and speak into the microphone. Oh good here's a towel. Go ahead and take a seat. But be careful with those cloven hooves, I just had the Brazilian Cherry floor refinished. So tell us a little bit about yourself.

Uh'uhuh: Well, I'm a demon that was spawned 47,000 years ago in a-

Les: That's great. Wait. Did you say 47,000 years? That's almost as long as Biden's been in the Senate. I kill myself. Anyway, we'll just jump into the meat of the matter.

Fiscal irresponsibility got us into a real mess. Which candidate do you see as being best prepared to get us out of the banking crisis, John McCain or Barack Obama?

Uh'uhuh: The way I see it, I'm never getting the respect that I deserve. All the other gods and demons have their worshipers, but never poor forgotten Uh'uhuh? People just don't realize how important I am.

Les: Yeah no respect, you and Rodney Dangerfield.

Well, it seems, once again, I've got a guest that's not interested in politics. The last one was the tasty lamb chop, Bo Beep. That sassy sheep herder could... Hang on. What's that smell? It's like rotten eggs. Damn, did you fart? Someone open a window.

What's that Steve? Brimstone? Oh, hell.

Fine just tell me why you are soooo important?

Uh'uhuh: Stupid human. I am the demon of indecisiveness. If you don't think that's evil, just think about that the next time that your wife can't decide which pants make her butt look less fat. They all look fat! Because her BUTT IS FAT!

Then you'll be late for that important dinner with your boss about that promotion. Then when you don't get the promotion and you get into a fight with your wife, kill her, bury her in the backyard and run to Mexico.

Think of me. Indecisiveness... Evil.

Les: Indecisiveness huh? Yeah I can see that. I can't decide which is worse, your butt ugly face or your stench. So tell me oh scary demon, what have you done for yourself?

Have you planned for you future? Do you have a secure pension, a well diversified 401(k)? Or are you just another leach on society that's expecting people like me to take care of you in your old age? Ah, hit the nail on the head. Your kind makes me sick.

Uh'uhuh: No, I don't have pension. I don't even have worshipers. Oh, all the other demons think they're so great with all their adoring acolytes. I almost had a cult once, but they couldn't decide whether to meet on Tuesdays or Wednesdays.

Like it freaking matters. I don't care what day of the week it is. Just worship me. I'm EEEEEEVIL!

Les: Whatever. Oh pity me, I don't have followers. Worship me I'm evil, he says. Yeah, I'll see if I can get around to that on Tuesday. No Wednesday. No Tuesday. You're pathetic, you know that?

No one really cares about your problems. Sniveling and whining about poor old me. It's apparent you're a product of you own bad decisions. You decided to be indecisive or most likely you didn't even do that. So what did you expect?

Uh'uhuh: I expected to have a little cult of my own like the other demons. And possibly a little praise from you here on this interview. What goes around comes around, you know, and mark my words, this will come back to haunt you.

May your putrid little country be plagued with an indecisive and incoherent leader in the upcoming election. May your...

Les: Blah, blah, blah…. Oh just frikkin bite me.

Uhuhuh: As you wish. *Chomp* I think that went well.


Humor bloggers! If this looked like fun from the outside, just think how much better it would be from the inside. If you'd like to play a character to be interviewed please contact me. We'll make it happen.

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