Global Warming Fix is Horse Shit

Co-written by Les James and our new humorist, L Ron Jeremy. We think he's going to be big.


Obama invites a Teabagging Redneck over for a Bud. They sit in the Rose Garden at the White House.

Obama: "Thank you for excepting my invitation."

Teabagging Redneck: "If having the Secret Service break down my door at 2 AM, handcuff me and drag me here in my briefs constitutes an invitation, then your welcome."

They sip at their beers for a few minutes. Obama puts his down and reaches into his coat pocket. He pulls out a tin of Copenhagen Smokeless Tobacco and offers some to the redneck.

Obama: "Try Some. Just a pinch between your cheek and gum, and all your global warming problems melt away.”

Teabagging Redneck: “The irony of that statement wasn’t lost on me. I’ll tell you Mr. President, I’ve got about 100 Billion reasons not to do this, but in the Spirit of Détente, what the hell.” He takes a pinch and places it in his mouth. His face turns bright red.

Obama: "Good isn’t it?"

Teabagging Redneck: "Oh my fuc…!" Gagging "This taste like Horse Shit!"

Obama: "Clydesdale actually. Goes well with the beer."

Teabagging Redneck: “What!” Desperately looking for somewhere to spit it out.

Obama: “Now don’t you go ruining Michele’s roses. You going to have to swallow it.”

Teabagging Redneck: “Huh?”

Obama: “You heard me. It’s your patriotic duty. Everyone’s going to have to learn to. So, swallow it.”

Teabagging Redneck: He chokes it down. “Ahggg! I think I’m going to be sick.”

Obama: “Don’t get sick yet. You’ve got to pay tax outrageous taxes for four years before you get any Obama Care benefits.”

Teabagging Redneck: “I need a bucket or something.”

Obama: “Well, you’re not getting the one on my head.” Obama looks at the redneck with disgust. “I never should have started you off on the good shit. It’s an acquired taste you know.”

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The Super Liberal Interview

Recently some "friends" told me about a new blog. They thought I'd enjoy reading it. Yeah. Well, all I can say is that not only didn't I "enjoy" it, it made the bile in my stomach rise up in my throat. Monty Oscar Nelson-Battison, or Batty as I like to call him, is the author of The Super Liberal. This is one of the most left-wing, socialist, Kool-Aide drinking blogs I've seen since Daily KOS. It's so far left that it's made it way on to my Axis of Evil list.

To say we've had words is an understatement. It finally came to a head and I challenged him to do this interview. For some stupid reason, he agreed.

Les: I have a hard time going to your blog. I find you deeply disturbing. But I'll give you credit for even answering your cell phone. To be as gracious a host as I can, tell me what you hope to accomplish by publishing the rubbish that you do.

Monty: Of course you see rubbish because that is all your kind produces, just a bunch of materialistic crap that breaks down into little modules of plastic thus clogging the arteries of children. I'm not the one killing children am I?

For someone who says they have a hard time going to my blog you sure do spend a lot of time there. Hippocrates called dude, he wants his oath back. Gaia damnit, no wonder why humans are causing global warming.

And don't ever compare me to that trash KOS...hold on for a little while, my mom needs me to come home and put the laundry in the dryer...okay back. KOS doesn't have the balls to be as liberal as I am. He still drives a car and writes for a magazine that kills trees. Sounds like someone who sold out his leftism to me.

Les: So let me see if I understand this, you live a completely, 100% free of any influence upon the earth life? Bull crap and I'll tell you why. Where to begin? The hypocrisy that you have already alluded to is yours and it oozes from every hemp fiber of your being.

Let's start with cell phone you're talking on, the laptop you use to produce the "rubbish", and I do call it rubbish as it's a waste product of what I'm sure you'd term 'abuse of the resources that belong to Gaia' or what ever. Where did they come from, huh and at what cost under your preciously held 'theory' of Global Warming? But I'm getting head of myself.

Monty: The environmental damage from the creation of my cell phone and laptop has already happened. I can only stop the future, not the past. That’s your best? When you bring the ball to the hole you better come correct son, as a famous poet once written.

Les: Don't interrupt me, Batty. You'll get your chance.

The coffee beans didn't just roll up here from South America to that energy sucking Starbuck's where you steal bandwidth you know. Is your bike biodegradable? Wasn't it -according to your brand of socialism- 'produced by some down trodden children in a forced labor camp work environment, after the materials were made by spewing toxic garbage all across your beloved Mother Earth', all so you could put on self-righteous airs and claim you're a better person than the rest of us? The best you should claim is that you're killing this world in a slow, humane manner. Just at little poison over a very long period of time. That way it won't hurt so bad. That's a very sick and twisted way of 'loving' something. I'm sure Mommy approves…

Tune in tomorrow for the rest of this riveting interview.


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