W. Welcomes B.O.

BUSH: Welcome, Barack. Let me show you around the White House.

OBAMA: Thank you, George.

BUSH: As you can see on this wall, I have a picture of my favorite fishing catch. That there fish is as heavy as I am...now.

OBAMA: Good thing the photo and frame are lighter. It will be easier to take down.

BUSH: I really think it looks nice on that wall. You might consider keeping it up. That is a valuable White House memory for me.

OBAMA: Sorry, George. But, I plan to put up a Nike Air Jordan poster right there.

BUSH: Are you sure, Barack? Some day, you will be moving out of here, too. And you might be asking the next person for a small, but personally meaningful favor.

OBAMA: No, George. By the way, I promised I would measure the curtains for Michelle. [Obama pulls out a tape measure.] Do you mind?

BUSH: Uh. Okay, go ahead.

OBAMA: You probably know that I'll be getting rid of the bowling alley, too.

BUSH: What? That bowling alley has been here since Richard Nixon.

OBAMA: Sorry again, George. No disrespect to Dick. But, we don't need any blue-collar sports in the White House, if you know what I mean.

BUSH: What are you going to replace the bowling alley with?

OBAMA: An in-door basketball court. Personally, I want to make it a parquet basketball floor. I will be assembling the best basketball playing cabinet in history. In fact, we just had ball-handling drills for the tryouts for Secretary of Education.

BUSH: I think you are making a mistake.

OBAMA: And when other nations do not agree with us, we will just settle it on the court like civilized people. [Obama points to the far room] George, what's in there?

BUSH: Oh, that's an extra bedroom. Why?

OBAMA: I have something special planned for that room.

BUSH: Oh? What are you thinking of? You can tell me.

OBAMA: Okay. But, you can't tell anyone else.

BUSH: Sure. You know you can trust me, Barack.

OBAMA: Yeah, you seem like a guy I can trust. [Obama looks around to see if anyone is within listening distance. He whispers] I'm going to light up and use the room as a smoking room. But don't worry, I'm also going to plant a tree in that room and do some tree hugging in there, too.

BUSH: Your secret is safe with me, Barack!

OBAMA: You know, George. Now that we are buddies. In all honesty, I would trade all this Presidency stuff for just one chance at knowing what it is like to dunk the basketball.

BUSH: I can understand how you feel about dunking the ball. I know all about that jive and duke stuff. But, I think it is just very short minded and ethnocentric of you to not understand the euphoria of making a big catch out in the high seas. All you do while dunking is stuff a basketball through a hole and start pumping your chest as if that made a difference in the world.

OBAMA: If I leave up your fishing photo, it would be a lame fish Presidency decision. And I don't think you understand the importance of dunking the ball. When you start jumping and flying in the air, your legs climb on top of imaginary stairs in the air until you just hang in the moment. And in that moment, everything else is insignificant. You are in a timeless moment. No nuclear missiles can hit you even if they are pointed at you all game. No partisan quibble can upset your ears from up there. You are king of everything. And from there, I would freely grant anyone else to use my wind draft created by my flight through the air for wind energy, which is consistent with my policy on alternative energy. And the way the ball goes through the rim and net is just like silk to your ears. George, your fishing photo shows that you want to conquer nature. My basketball poster shows I want to defy nature.

BUSH: You mean, like hang in mid-air or walk on water?

OBAMA: Yes, I can!

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