Monday, August 25, 2008

Dr. Pepper Disrupts ER

This will be a on-going monthly series from an old friend of mine, who possesses a twisted and caustic sense of humor.

The Life and Times of Sgt Bilko

by Sgt Bilko

I am a Soldier who happened to have the luck to have been able to serve with Les James. Make no doubt, he was and is a great person, and I try to emulate what he taught me about being a Noncomissioned Officer.

Anyway, I'd jerked the Chain of Command when it came time for my reenlistment. I'd been working in the Immunization Clinic, going deaf from screaming babies and working until 1900 (7 PM) giving allergy shots and cannot express how much I hated that job without lapsing into such gregarious profanity that would have Les's blog flagged.

So I made an ultimatum that either I could work in the Emergency Room or I would not reenlist. So, they let me work there, and it was the best 18 months of my career. I learned a lot.

Anyway, one day Les was speaking with a new junior NCO, giving him his initial briefing about working in the ER. I and another NCO (we'll call him Roughwhopper) were in that same office. When Roughwhopper took my Dr. Pepper, it started a fight -with kicking and pinching and uses of voices from South Park and Mad TV (that kid Stewart)- and the bottle got shook up a lot. I popped the top and sprayed Roughwhopper with the soda.

While we were yelling and fighting and spraying, Les was calmly standing 5 feet away, informing the newbie about how he expects his NCO's to be professional and take pride in their jobs. There was yelling and cursing and Dr Pepper all over the office, and the newbie still standing at parade rest trying not to bust out laughing.
Next time, I'll tell about the time I was working nights and Les left his official military email open for anyone to see. It involved an email that was allegedly sent to the First Sergeant, Command Sergeant Major and Hospital Commander.

And don't ask Les about how the copier got broken.

Ed Note: Sgt Bilko was not paid for this glowing (but true) accounting of just how wonderful I am. She was a major pain in the ass when she arrived at my ER, but kissing mine has now made up for that.

She is still honorably serving our country with distinction, having just returned from her umpteenth deployment to Iraq. We all need to take a moment to thank her and the 1000s like her.

Any military personnel (current or former) who would like to submit their recollections of humorous events are welcome to check-out Submission in the About Sideshow Mirrors section in the sidebar.

Finally, a chance to vote for something worthwhile. If you liked this, please jump on over to and vote your conscious.


Les James said...

Seems the camera adds a few pounds

Anonymous said...

The date on this post is Friday, but didn't show up until today. Is it my pathetic computer? (Just wondering.)

Thank you, Sgt. Bilko for your long hours and years of service. It is greatly appreciated.

Les James said...

Nope, just a stupid oversight on my part. I'm going to get in and fix that right now. Thanks RT.

Anonymous said...

I'm easily confused right now. :)

Chris Wood said...

The copier got broken over a Dr Pepper? You soldiers, what are you like, eh?


Les James said...

Chris - Ah, not exactly. And from what I remember all evidence was destroyed.