Back In My Day...

by Mr Shizzo

I have been around a long time so I know a lot of things that our youth today know so little about. I asked them what a Depression is. They said, "Depression? I totally feel your vibe there. I've been feeling that way a lot. I've been feeling depressed my whole life, so we totally connect on this one, man."
And when I mentioned "Recession," many youngsters asked, "What's that? Does that have something to do with my hair loss?"

The young generation is clueless. So I decided that I would give the youngsters a quick run-down on how much things have changed since my day:

Back in my day, gas cost $4.60/gallon.
Back in my day, the Dow was at 14,000
Back in my day, every President was Caucasian and male.
Back in my day, you could do whatever you wanted without government regulation.

To this, they replied, "Wow! You sure have lived a long time. And you look so young, still. What's your secret?"

I replied, "I stopped watching the television show, Heroes, so I was getting to bed earlier."

"That's all it took?"

"Yes."

"I didn't realize Heroes was on the air that long? How long have you been around?"

"Three months."

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Czar Inc.

If history repeats itself, then what follows a Czar...is Communism.
Luckily, we have averted that road by not creating a Car Czar. However, when I took a look at the Sideshow Mirrors Looking Glass, I saw the future we avoided. Let me show you what I saw:

One month after the Car Czar was created, the Car Czar was offered a luxury car from each of the automakers. The auto makers believed, "If the Car Czar drives our car, it means he favors our company." At first, the Car Czar tried to be fair. He decided to drive a car with the exterior of a Cadillac, the engine of a Ford, and the interior design of a Chrysler.

A couple of years later in 2010, the Car Czar got tired of regulating three companies and made some widespread decisions. The Car Czar decided to combine all three companies, merge the management, and make himself in charge of the government's new car company, which he renamed, "Czar Car."

Six months later, the first "Czar Car" rolled off the assembly line. People lined up to buy it because it was the only car people were allowed to buy.

Two years later in 2012, the Food Czar decided to merge all food companies into one company renamed, "Czar Foods."

A month later, the Gas Czar, the Technology Czar, the Education Czar, the Energy Czar, the Financial Czar, the Airline Czar, the Food Czar, the Military Czar, and Car Czar decided to merge together under one products and services company called, "Czar Incorporated."

Thanks to all the necessary government regulations and jobs programs overseen by the many Czar's after the recession of 2009, the country successfully reached its full potential. People all had jobs and were heavily regulated. It was only a year later that the Czar's decided to change the Constitution with a new amendment. This amendment stated, "Replace the Constitution with Communism". For specific details, dial Old Mother Russia using the dusty red dial-up phone now located in the storage closet in the southern wing of the White House."

Image by Mr Shizzo

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