Thwim Or Think

Desperate times call for desperate measures. Now that free health care is coming to Amerika, soon to be followed by immigration and millions of government jobs, it's time for some creative thinking. As always it's best to learn from an expert when trying to adapt a new life philosophy, so here is a quick guide for beginners.

T - Take a look at a nearby government employee and follow her lead. It will help here if you are a young uneducated female of a non-white race, don't worry if you aren't because the first thing the entitled learn is that no one can be discriminated against because of ignorance, sex, or race. (sorry about you older folks but your time to pay into Socialism is over anyway) Apply for food stamps.

H - Help yourself out by applying for any entitlement programs you aren't currently taking advantage of; For instance, your local library has books and movies you can read and watch, FREE. Toss out those Netflix, Blockbuster, and Hollywood video cards, quit going to the theater, and for the love of Man, quit buying Bibles for your family. Personally spending money on entertainment is way overrated and the government will provide all the entertainment you need, eventually. Apply for a Library card.

W - Welcome your new right to entitlement. There is nothing more satisfying to a lazy, ignorant, substance abuser than living life fat, drunk, and stupid. Take a look at any endangered species - have you ever seen a Panda worried about where his next meal, or girlfriend is coming from? If there is any species more endangered than a free American right now, I can't name it. Apply for welfare.

I - Individualism is dead. We are all part of the collective community that is humanity now, so quit thinking in terms of the individual. If you have individual retirement accounts, get rid of them, the government is going to take them away eventually anyhow. Those funds can be much better utilized by buying new wheels for your ride, a big screen tv, and best of all, exotic animals which are dangerous to you and your neighbors. Apply for education grants.

M - Motivate others to peacefully accept Socialism. Travel door-to-door passing the word supporting your glorious leaders. Many community organizations have open positions which pay you for this kind of activity, and there is no better contact list for finding out what kinds of entitlements you are entitled to, or getting your foot in the door for that lucrative government job. Volunteer.

In closing I wish all of you wonderful enablers of the future a magical stress-free life. For the rest of you hard-headed non-conforming "thinkers" who still believe in individual freedoms and rights, like me, I'll save you a bunk at the camp.